A few weeks ago, my dear friend Claire taught a very insightful lesson in Relief Society that was exactly what I needed. Here are some my thoughts on it and conclusions I have made since then.
One of Satan's most efficient tactics is to tempt us to let our lives me run by fear and doubt. In our lesson, Claire talked about how her fiance used to not take shots in basketball because he was scared of missing. Sure, that example seems silly, but I definitely do that in my life.
There are a lot of things I am scared of. Suddenly, they all seem to be hitting me in the face. And right now, I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 4 months. Of course, I know I will, I just don't know how.
As I thought about this last night, I had an epiphany. This is one of the very basic lessons I learned in Primary. Let's be honest- we all have our favorite Book of Mormon stories, and maybe we have some we don't necessarily like as much as others. Well, for me, Nephi was not my favorite. I attribute this to an "overused" (yeah, I know, no such thing) story. It's the one that's always talked about, the one I always read about, it's the song I didn't like singing in Primary, it's the only scripture mastery people use as spiritual thoughts, etc. Anyway- I tend to always tune out anything about Nephi (call to repentance on aisle 4). However, last night, it came to life. When Nephi had to go get the plates, he really didn't know what he was doing. This was an irrational death wish. But he knew that "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them".
Seriously- logically, there is no way that I can do some of the things I need to do right now. But I, like Nephi, know that I haven't been abandoned. I haven't been asked to do things that are impossible. I haven't been asked to live beyond my capacity.
As I try to put my fears and doubts aside, clinging to faith, sometimes I struggle. I'm so similar to one spoken of in Mark 9. A common man in the multitude, who comes to Christ, and begs, "If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us." But in the critical moment of desparation, when asked if I really, really, believe- all I can do is "cry out, and say with tears, Lord, I believe, help thou mine unbelief".
